Planner or Control Freak?

I like to consider myself a Planner.

I may not be the most organized type of Planner, but I am definitely the type of person who likes to know the order of things to come. And, I prefer to be the Designer of the events…as well as the Supervisor. I can also be my own biggest critic when things don’t go as I had planned.

I also hate surprises.

Well,  a life crisis looks this type of personality square in the eye and challenges it an epic arm-wrestle. And obliterates it.

The results can be devastating to the person who thought they knew.

After a lot of crying, feeling helpless, ashamed and hopeless -a sense of humility sets in.

When things in my life started happening that contradicted my thoughtful plans and previously accepted truths, I did what anyone would do-

I continued trying to make the new condition I was presented with fit into my old paradigm.

And it kinda of worked…until it stopped working.

My symptoms became more consistent and persistent until I could no longer ignore that they were a new truth to be accepted– even though that required me to accept a new framework for thinking, and put my fears aside.

And I had lots of fears. One that had become most prevalent for me was my fear of the unknown. And, evidently I was not handling it very well.

Through the uncomfortable process of identifying my fears, I found the way for me to feel grounded was to dig deep and find what my most inner values were.

Those values were comfortable and felt like home.

As long as I clung on to those core values (and sometimes I had to hold on with all my might), I wasn’t as afraid of the outcome because I trusted that whatever will be, will be out of a genuinely pure intention which was truly the only thing within my control.

And I will be able to handle the results.

 

When the roots are deep, there’s not reason to fear the wind.

 

 

 

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